The Stress of Almost

So this is the year I turn 30. I have spent more time thinking about my impending birthday than I ever have for any other year. Not my 18th birthday, not my 21st birthday, just my 30th. Maybe it's because I  thought I would be farther along in life, whatever that actually means. Maybe it's because it's a new age group, I will no longer be a twenty-something. But for whatever reason, I feel a huge amount of stress when I think about the fact that I am ALMOST 30. Oh, god... Writing that makes me want to cry, but I really have no idea why. I feel all jumbled up on the subject, I cannot pinpoint why there is a heaviness that resides on my chest when I think about becoming this age. The stress, and sadness that surrounds this age, this number, is so puzzling... and today, while taking out the trash, I wondered if it would be better if I was ALREADY 30.

To me, there is a huge amount of stress associated with ALMOST being something. I'm ALMOST 30, just like I'm ALMOST ready to transfer to another school, just like the day I start my summer nanny gig is ALMOST here. All these things are stressful, but they won't be (at least not as stressful) once they actually happen. Once something has happened there isn't to much too be done about it. Once I transfer I won't have to think about it, once I start my new job I'll learn the routine and feel fine about it, and once I'm 30 there's nothing to be done. No take backs. I can't undo another year gone by, I can only move on from there...

SO, this is why I wish the day was here already. Not looming, not making me feel like there is something I should be doing before hand... NO, I didn't finish that list of books to read before turning 30, but I'll get to it someday. NO, I haven't traveled as much as I would have liked. NO, I haven't finished school. NO, I don't have a career yet. But I'm not going to be able to accomplish any of these things before my birthday, the day the stress of ALMOST disappears, so I may as well be a twenty-something for a few more weeks... I guess I'll worry about it in my 30's.

Ugh, enough!

I know I made the decision to move to the Midwest, so most times I feel that I shouldn't really complain about things, like the weather, because I chose to live here. But really, c'mon winter! Go the f*&$ away! I'm am so very tired of the cold, I'm over my face hurting when I walk out the door, I'm tired of wearing a bulky jacket that adds to my back pain, and I am so, so done with wearing boots. I'm not one that usually succumbs to the winter blues, in fact before this winter I had no idea what that meant, but I get it now. Truly. Polar vortices or vortexes or whatever... Multiple below 0° days. What feels like billions of inches of snow. Whole sidewalks covered in thick (slippery) ice. I'M OVER IT.

I'm ready for the big thaw, the one that's gonna take. Not a teaser thaw that is accompanied by rivers of defrosting poop, and slushy ice, that re-freezes the next day. NO! I want the real thaw, the one that is accompanied by tulips sprouting up everywhere, the thaw that makes it okay for me to put my boots on the shelf and not look at them again until November, at the earliest.

So, wish me luck, and send your thoughts of warmth and springtime my way. Please and thank you.

So many books, so little time

There’s a list of 30 books everyone “should” read before they turn 30. There is also a list of 100 books everyone should read in their lifetime. About 4 years ago I decided to take these lists on, and read all of the books. There are some books that are on both of the lists, so after crossing those off it comes to about 116 books. No prob right? So, why 4 years later, 6 months before I turn 30, are there still 21 books on Before 30 reading list that I have yet to read? It’s not that I haven’t read any books in that last few years… In 2012 I read 75 books, and in 2013 I read 78 books. Just not the books from the lists, I guess. So, now, with the deadline approaching, I've decided to pick up a few of the books on the Before 30 list. I know I’m not going to read them all before my birthday in June, but I’m going to read as many as I reasonably can.

The problem is that most of them aren't my cup of tea, they’re just not my thing. I don’t really know what my “thing” is, but recently I've just been reading a lot of fantasy books, mostly because I also have to read my school textbooks, and fantasy is as far away from that those as possible. They are my break from the real world, and from the dry textbooks. But it is what it is. Alright, wish me luck in this endeavor. Please and thank you.

I will update these lists as I read the books

30 before 30... to be read list:

  .  For Whom the Bell Tolls – Ernest Hemingway

  . War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy

  . The Rights of Man – Tom Paine

. The Social Contract – Jean-Jacques Rousseau

. One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel García Márquez*

. The Origin of Species – Charles Darwin*

. The Wisdom of the Desert – Thomas Merton

. The Tipping Point – Malcolm Gladwell

. The Art of War – Sun Tzu

. The Lord of the Rings – J.R.R Tolkien

. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens

. Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

. The Prince – Niccolo Machiavelli

. Walden – Henry David Thoreau

. The Republic – Plato

. Getting Things Done – David Allen

. How to Win Friends And Influence People – Dale Carnegie

. The Master and the Margarita – Mikhail Bulgakov 

30 before 30... have read list:

.  Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse 

.  1984 – George Orwell  

. To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee

. Lord of the Flies – William Golding

. Four Quartets – T.S. Eliot

. Catch-22 – Joseph Heller

. The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald

. The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Graham

. Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
. Clockwork Orange – Anthony Burgess
. The Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
. The Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger

*I'm currently reading some of the books from this list. Here's hoping I make a dent. 

Snow Day

Songs that played while writing this blog: Joe Jackson- “Got the Time”, Tommy Tutone- “867-5309/Jenny”, ELO- “21^st Century Man”,  and The Damned- “Anything”.

It is -12° outside right now! Woah! Chicago Public Schools called a snow day, and since I work before-school and after-school care, I have a snow day too. So what do I do on my snow day? Watch Netflix/amazon prime, listen to music and write this blog. That’s it. Not that I could really be productive on a day like this. Oh! I did boil some water so my roommate could take it outside, and throw it into the air to create clouds. Snow days are fun!

I’m just blown away that I live somewhere that has a high of -10° on a day when my hometown’s high is 74°… Thank goodness I didn't take weather into consideration when choosing to move here. I truly do like living in Chicago, but on days like this I tend to forget why.

UPDATE: Just got an email from my boss saying that CPS called another snow day for tomorrow!

2014

Woo-hoo, New Year! Right? I mean, it’s exciting… Right? 2014! Going to be awesome! Right?

Resolutions: Read 'X' amount of books, eat healthier, write more, etc., etc… I feel like these are the same resolutions, or goals if you’d rather, as last year. So basically, I’m going to keep on doing what I have been doing.

I’m sure there will be some good times, some great times, some bad times, some hard times, and some fairly awful times. I’m also sure I’ll make some amazing memories, and have some moments that I’ll want to forget. But these things can be said about every year.

So… Here’s to a New Year… Similar to last year, but with enough differences to keep it interesting.

Cheers! 

P.S. Interested in joining an online book club? Bookishly Delighted would be delighted to have you!!!!